Falling in Love with a Covert Narcissist

Narcissism is a word that is very lightly used in our generation. It’s a word that has seen more popularity with the rise of Instagram but what does it really mean?

When we think of narcissism, we think of someone who is overly confident, pompous and vain. Somebody who is visibly arrogant and announces their achievements through a loudspeaker but what about the covert narcissist? The wolf that hides in sheeps’ clothing? We’re going to explore that topic today.

Something we may not know about narcissism is that this is a personality trait; not a mental disorder. The coverts are as pompous, selfish and arrogant as the overts; they are just the sophisticated version because they engage in tactics so subtle, they leave you confused, unsure and even insecure when you never used to be. Maybe you ARE overthinking it? Maybe you ARE overly sensitive as they say?

Covert narcissists are made and have been conditioned since childhood by a parent who could have been narcissistic. This parent could have exhibited such a sense of entitlement that the child grew up believing that he/she should receive special treatment all the time. I personally believe that the culprit is usually the overprotective mother who smothers their child in their love. When you put a child on such a pedestal, under such a spotlight, they grow up believing they are unique and special; destined for greatness.

Read: How A Parents’ Narcissistic Personality Disorder Affects Their Child

When this doesn’t happen – and it usually doesn’t, because despite the tiny quirks that make us who we are, we are actually pretty much the same at the end of the day – the child who is now an adult and hasn’t achieved anything he/she considers to be BRILLIANT and EXCEPTIONAL now feels empty. At first we might mistake this for depression but it isn’t.

DATING A COVERT NARCISSIST…

…is emotionally exhausting especially if you are empathetic which may be the reason why you attract narcissists. You are constantly doubting yourself. Maybe you ARE the problem because apparently it’s ALWAYS your fault, never theirs. Unlike overt narcissists, coverts are able to apologise but their apologies often start with, “I’m sorry IF…”.
“I’m sorry IF I hurt your feelings but YOU made me so angry.”
That good, old classic.
However, before reaching this stage, there is often a long bout of passive aggressive silence that drives you crazy because you care. They pull away because they know it hurts you.
The drama eventually subsides and you both agree to change in order to improve your relationship. And they do change. For a while. Before they revert back to their old ways except with each fight, they get nastier and display more overtly narcissistic behaviour like treating you with contempt and calling you names.
“You’re so annoying. Can you just stop following me around like a little dog?”

So why do they go through the motions if they have no intention of changing?
1. Maybe they really wanted to in that moment but narcissists rarely can change. It is psychologically ingrained into their minds to be selfish and egoistic. They are usually successful in their careers and their finances. You might hear a successful narcissist say,
“If I have to choose between you and a job somewhere in another country, I’d go for the job. Just letting you know.”
2. These charming individuals do it to give you false hope because they want to keep you interested. The truth is: THEY NEED YOU. They need someone to control and manipulate in order to boost their own ego and you keep falling for it!

What else do you fall for? Those little digs they subtly weave into their conversation even though they know you’re insecure about that very thing their praising someone else for.
“Let me show you this girl on Instagram with this BANGING body!”
For example, they might give you their ex’s shirt and will call you crazy for reacting negatively but might say, “I just wanted to see your reaction.”
And that’s exactly what they’re doing. They’re looking to see if you care because that’s a huge ego booster. The more you care, the more powerful they feel.
They compare a lot, too.
“Why can’t you just be chill like her?”
“Well, she just arrived in the city and she has everything organised.”
They’re so good at this that they don’t even have to raise their voice and that is what makes them significantly more threatening than your garden variety overt narcissist.

But wait! They’re not all that bad! You’ve often heard them praise you in front of others! Well, surprise, surprise, it’s more about how they look. They care how others view them so in public, your relationship is deceivingly picture perfect.
What you need to understand is that their possessions are an extension of themselves and they need to look good…INCLUDING YOU!
If you tend to have a rather self-deprecating sense of humour, they’ll call you out on that because it’s weak and God forbid that word is ever associated with them.
Since they actually care about what others think – remember, narcissists are narcissists because they actually have very low self-esteem, making them possessive and jealous – they tend to come across humble and caring to those who don’t know them well.
You end up thinking, “If only they could see that other side of you only I have seen…” that’s when you know you’ve gotten yourself in deep shit.
Moreover, unlike overts, coverts tend to have longer relationships and maybe they DO love the person they’re with but they are so lacking in empathy that it is literally impossible for them to put themselves in your shoes. They cannot feel what you feel and sadly, that will never change.

Just run for the exit.

Interesting read: 23 Signs You’re Secretly A Narcissist Masquerading As A Sensitive Introvert

 

Expired

You can tell once upon a time, she was pretty.

But every year, the party animals get younger and she watches them come and go.

Maybe it also pained her to see her friends gradually moving out of the clubs and bars into families of their own but somehow she stayed stuck there…

So she continues to do what she does best.

She surrounds herself with girls as camouflage, desperately trying to blend in and forget her insecurities.

She preys on fresh meat and they are enchanted by their own prowess for a fleeting moment before the magic wears off and their ambition kicks in.

They leave her in search of their ‘calling’ and eventually end up with a sweet, young thing like a Demi-Ashton-Mila situation.

Yet she’s still there…hanging on to what’s left of her youth by threads. Her looks have faded due to years of late nights, drugs, drinks and dirty dancing.

But she is still there.

Now a permanent fixture of the city’s nightlife.

 


 

I haven’t been very active on my blog recently but I was feeling particularly inspired today and it all came from one comment on a friend’s Facebook post.

 

The Hardware Societe

Perhaps I haven’t posted very many restaurant/bar/cafe reviews on my blog but I have been discovering at least one new spot every week. The dining scene in Paris is like a dream come true! I’m always stumbling across some quaint little place tucked away neatly in an alley.

Today was a sunny all day brunch restaurant called ‘The Hardware Société’ that a friend of mine had suggested. Don’t let the unsuspecting exterior fool you! It’s an Alice through the rabbit hole moment; once inside, you will be met with warm smiles from the staff and a flurry of activity.

The food matches the service in every way! I ordered the grilled mushrooms which came with a delicious dollop of pumpkin on the side, a sprinkling of peanuts that added to the delicious flavour of the mushrooms and two slices of bread. My friend ordered a popular dish comprised of baked eggs and a cauliflower purée. Needless to say, the presentation was top-notch and the prices were reasonable! I paid 14,50 euros for my meal and 4 euros for a cappucino making it a grand total of only 18,50 euros!

So, if you’re ever in Montmartre and looking for a fantastic brunch joint, be sure to pop into the Hardware Société for a fantastic meal that will not disappoint!

The Hardware Société
10 Rue Lamarck, 75018 Paris
01 42 51 69 03
Follow The Hardware Société on Instagram

Parisian Fashion & Beauty Trends

One of my favourite pastimes is people-watching and as a professional people-watcher, you notice things. Paris has made this sport even more convenient and easily accessible with its thousands of outdoor terraces. In fact, they are so dedicated to the idea of sitting outside that the cold can’t even stop them! The solution? Heaters, heaters, and more heaters. So I hereby present you with five Parisian fashion and beauty trends! (Please do not hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong.)

  1. Green Stan Smiths
    I don’t understand this trend but everyone else seems to. Let’s move on.
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  2. Red lipstick
    The red lip has become an emblem of Paris. I remember wearing red lipstick in London…stuck out like a sore thumb and made me feel VERY self-conscious it did but in Paris, you just blend in.
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  3. Less makeup is more makeup
    As mentioned above, the red lip may be symbolic for Parisian women but did I mention that its an EITHER OR situation? Either a smoky eye and a nude lip or a bold lip and bare eyes. You can’t have both because it’s all about looking EFFORTLESS.
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    (Christen Dominique Youtube)
  4. I-just-woke-up hair
    Again. It’s all about looking effortless. Great example is Caroline de Maigret.
    Image result for caroline de maigret haircut youngImage result for caroline de maigret haircut young
  5. Tights and trainers
    A common look I see is the green Stan Smiths, black tights with shorts, skirts or dresses. Not sure if this is exclusive to Paris but it’s happening.
    Image result for tights and trainers
  6. Multi-coloured trousers
    Something I’ve always admired about French men is their ability to pull off trousers of any colour.
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  7. The basic colour palette: white, black, grey, navy blue, beige
    But…..a basic rule of thumb is to just stick with the basic colour palette! Simple, chic and stylish. I don’t see a lot of patterns and motifs so best to stay with plain colours as well!

 

 

 

To Dress Up Or To Dress Down, That Is The Question.

Interesting recent discovery: apparently, when the French say you look or dress really “American”, what they really mean is that you look vulgar. It’s the nicest thing they can say without saying, “Hey, you look vulgar.” Hello to the French way of being polite! Although, they could just leave the Americans out of it…
Twice, I’ve received this remark and both times I was wearing a dress/skirt that stopped 8cm above the knee with heels to match. Just as I would have back in Taipei, except ten times more conservative so as to try and fit in. Evidently, that didn’t work at all.
I know this is a controversial topic so correct me if I’m wrong but I have done some research and asked a few locals and well… I’m just trying to understand.

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Personally, a large part of going out is dressing up. Pre-game for girls is getting ready and doing each other’s make-up with a bottle of wine (or whatever alcoholic concoction of your choice). The other part is going out to town and taking in all the colourful, sometimes outrageous outfits of fellow party-goers. Then the rest of the night can commence in a flurry of social activity and more alcohol (wink*).

Paris…is a different ballgame. If you think that la ville de la mode will provide interesting eye candy to feast on when it’s time to venture out into the night and mingle, then you’re WRONG. If you want to see ridiculous outfits strutting down the cobbled streets of Paris, just wait for Fashion Week.
However, if you’re just going out, be prepared to look your most casual in jeans, a top and a pair of nice boots. Basically, what we’re going for here is “I tried but I didn’t try”. A casual chic vibe and sex hair with minimal (I REPEAT: MINIMAL) makeup always does the trick. The most you should ever put on your face is red lipstick. Can’t look more Parisian than that!

To be frank, I’ve toned it down immensely since arriving in Paris as I had previously lived in France for my exchange year so was already familiar with certain customs but it gets boring and every single time I’ve even attempted to dress slightly outside the norms, I’ve been met with judgmental stares and pursed lips which only leaves me feeling deeply constricted in terms of fashion choices.

All jokes aside, locals pointed out that dressing conservatively is also mainly for safety concerns which I can understand. You meet all sorts of hooligans who whistle and cat-call at women on the streets, even men who follow you from the metro station right to your doorstep!

Alors! In conclusion, when in Rome (Paris), do as the Romans (Parisians) do! You might learn some new things and while Paris does not always permit change, Parisians definitely do dress well! The men can pull off trousers of any colour, the women always emanate a natural beauty and everyone is always very put together. What are your thoughts?

The Parisian Dream: Realistic?

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Where does your mind wander off to when you hear the words ‘Paris’ or ‘France’? Does it conjure up images of endless pavements filled with sprawling terraces, the melodic chitchat of French and romantic fumes of cigarette smoke on a lazy summer’s day? Does your mind drift off into the streets of Montmartre while Edith Piaf’s ‘La Vie en Rose’ plays in the background? Or do you smell freshly baked baguettes instead?

If so, you’re not too far off but you’re not seeing the full picture either. More often than not, tourists and first-timers are shown the shiny side of town. Eiffel Tower, Galeries Lafayettes, Arc de Triomphe, Le Louvre, La Seine, Champs Elysées et tous les incontournables! And do you know what? That’s okay because it is part of what makes up the true essence of Paris.

What’s not okay is thinking that that’s all there is to this city. What about Chinatown aka the 13th arrondissement? The slums around Paris? The colourful graffiti and the kebab restaurants that can be spotted here and there but especially around Gare du Nord? All the places that tour groups avoid because they’re not always pretty?

Perhaps it’s just where I used to live, but people often seem to have a rather distorted image of what a Parisian lifestyle truly entails. You have French bureaucracy (which is your worst nightmare and that’s putting it lightly), you have some interesting people to put up with, not speaking French will render even the simplest tasks impossible or highly complicated and the transportation is a mess.

BUT

You have delicious bread. A friend of mine once said, “If it’s not made in France, it’s not a baguette.” I thought it was just arrogance….until now, and while I’m on the topic of food, what about the countless gastronomic restaurants that make this city a chef’s dream? The museums and exhibitions are top notch and there is ALWAYS one happening somewhere. Summertime is when you sit along the Seine and share a bottle of crisp rosé with friends, laughing about life. The architecture is gorgeous, for the most part, and the shopping is great!

I guess what I’m trying to say, and this goes for everything in life, is that one should always try to be as realistic as possible. This way, fewer people would be susceptible to the “Paris Syndrome” (It’s a real thing!). Falling in love with anything or anyone requires you to accept the flaws just as much as you accepted the beautiful and the positive!

$1 Make-Up from SHOP MISS A

shopmissa

Prior to spending money on the website, I did A LOT of research by reading and watching various reviews. I learnt to avoid any “skin products” such as foundation, concealer and also tailored my order to my needs so I ended up getting all this:

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  • Metallic Cosmetic Pouch – Gold
  • AOA Perfect Setting Powder – Soft Light
  • AOA Diamond Lipgloss – Glitz
  • AOA Diamond Lipgloss – Posh
  • Pumice Stone – White
  • Princessa Tru Fusion Blush – 3 Hot Pink
  • Kleancolour Retractable Waterproof Lipliner – Hot Red
  • AOA Studio Lashes – Luella
  • AOA Studio Lashes – Rose

Each item was $1 and the shipping was roughly $1 as well, but the shipping ended up being more expensive than the item. In total, I paid about $18/16,37 euros which is still INCREDIBLY affordable. The items arrived in about 7-10 business days, as promised and was nicely bubble wrapped and packaged!

The cosmetic pouch and pumice stone were just some things I needed and are both excellent quality basics. The lashes look promising as does the lipliner but we’ll be trying those next time. Today, my main focus was the setting powder, the blush and the lipglosses. So let’s get into detail!

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AOA Perfect Setting Powder – Soft Light

I’ll be completely frank, I’ve never used many loose setting powders in my lifetime but I know how a good powder leaves your skin feeling (and looking!) so my opinion is that the AOA Setting Powder is BOMB! The finish is so smooth, the powder is fine and my only concern is that touching up when out will be a bit difficult, as with all loose powders.

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Princessa Tru Fusion Blush – 3 Hot Pink

Immediately with this matte blush, you notice that the packaging is $1. It is the cheapest, flimsiest packaging I’ve ever laid eyes on and it really is such a pity because the actual product itself is fantastic! It was EXACTLY the shade I wanted and was very pigmented. I’ve been wanting a coral blush recently and decided to add this one to the basket as all the other ones I had in my wishlist were sold out. Speaking of which, is it common to have products constantly sold out on Shop Miss A? They don’t restock that quickly either…

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AOA Diamond Lipgloss – Glitz & Posh

What can I say…Where do I start? These lipglosses are an AOA HOLY GRAIL! They’re comfortable, not sticky yet SO GLITTERY and they just look divine on the lips! I personally would pay more than a dollar for these glosses and definitely will be getting more from the Diamond Lipgloss collection. There isn’t a significant difference between Glitz and Posh but I prefer Posh on it’s own as it is a more pigmented pinky coral colour as opposed to wearing just Glitz on my bare lips. Glitz would be more of a lipstick topper lipgloss for me…for example, if you wanted to brighten up a red lip.

 


 

All in all, I am EXTREMELY satisfied with the quality of these $1 products! I’m sure I’ll enjoy the lashes just as much and am hoping the lipliner will stop my red Son&Park lip crayon and lip cube from bleeding.
One thing I did notice is that AOA products seem to be of much higher and more reliable quality in terms of packaging, the product itself etc. than those of other brands. Frankly, the packaging on the Princessa blush is so cringeworthy, I wonder if I’d ever be able to take it out in public…The only solution is to repot the blush! So, if possible, I will probably be buying more from AOA than from the other brands on Shop Miss A.
I will also be letting you know if I get an allergic reaction from any of these products but so far so good! Also, a good thing to know is that AOA Beauty Inc. and other brands on Shop Miss A have been certified by PETA as cruelty free!

Shop Miss A: https://www.shopmissa.com/